Will somebody please buy Ezi Magbegor a French press?

It’s no secret that Ezi Magbegor is a fan favorite here at Witty Weather Pun.

That’s why the editorial staff (me) was left stunned at Tuesday’s revelation from the 22-year-old.

Ezi doesn’t drink coffee!? In Seattle!? What’s next, is Ezi going to walk through the tunnel at Climate Pledge Arena in an Alex Rodriguez Texas Rangers jersey?

This isn’t meant to reflect any negativity toward hot chocolate, a beverage that possesses a number of positive qualities. On a cold winter night, it’s always great to curl up on the couch with a warm mug of hot cocoa. But it’s no substitute for coffee, a true nectar of the gods and a necessity to begin the day.

Ezi’s disclosure raises further questions.

If she’s not drinking coffee, what is her morning routine like?

Since she described it as her “go-to drink order,” how often is she getting hot chocolate? Is there some sort of Swiss Miss or Ghirardelli endorsement in her future?

More than anything, how is this possible?

Australia.com—the definitive authority on all things Australian—says Melbourne is “known globally for its coffee obsession” and “offers more than 2,000 cafés as well as some of the world’s best baristas.” It sounds like Melbourne is basically the Seattle of Australia. Has Ezi never patronized one of the city’s apparently many fine roasteries?

I was a bit of an early adopter to coffee myself. I didn’t begin drinking it until after I had graduated college and my parents bought me a Keurig for Christmas. So judge not, that ye be not judged.

In order to remedy the problem, it is incumbent upon Ezi’s teammates or Storm fans if need be to purchase her a coffee maker, a grinder and beans from a local Seattle coffee shop. This grave injustice must persist no more.

Moving On Up

Screen Shot 2018-05-28 at 12.34.50 AMYou’ve probably noticed by now I haven’t written about the Seattle Storm in nearly a month.

Regular readers are likely disappointed by this development, but I’m not overly concerned because that would mean I actually have regular readers to this extremely niche WordPress blog.

I stopped writing here for the time being upon becoming a contributor for High Post Hoops. Fear not, for I continue to break down Storm games, which you can read here.

My work can be featured in front of a larger audience at High Post, and I can help strengthen coverage of the Storm for the site.

I’ll still keep Witty Weather Pun up and running and maybe make the occasional post here and there. But head to High Post Hoops for the more regular Storm content as they march on to a WNBA title in 2018.

What’s Wrong with the Seattle Storm?

What in the world happened to the Seattle Storm team that started the year 4-1?

Seattle was riding high entering its June 3 game against the Minnesota Lynx and sat third in WNBA’s Week 3 power rankings. Then the Storm got outclassed by the Lynx and everything snowballed. Now Seattle is 6-7 overall and eighth in the WNBA standings.

It’s still too early to begin panicking about the Storm’s playoff chances, which isn’t to stay the team’s poor play should be dismissed offhand. In some cases, aspects of the Storm’s 2-6 run speak to what were genuine concerns coming into the year.

In no particular order, here are some of the factors that explain the Storm’s slide. Continue reading

Do the Storm have Buyer’s Remorse with Carolyn Swords?

Why did the Seattle Storm trade for Carolyn Swords again?

We’re not entering proof-of-life territory with the veteran center yet, but it has undoubtedly been surprising how little she has factored into the Storm’s 5-2 start considering she was the team’s biggest offseason acquisition.

In theory, she was supposed to give the Storm the rim protector they lacked last year. Seattle was ninth last year in opponent points per possession in post-ups, per Synergy, and eighth in opponent field-goal percentage in the post. With Swords on the roster, Breanna Stewart wouldn’t have to play inside so frequently, thus freeing her up to operate as more of a point forward while simultaneously sparing her some of the physicality she encounters closer to the basket. Continue reading

Stop What You’re Doing and Watch Jewell Loyd Work

At the risk of sounding too much like a paid employee of the WNBA, buy League Pass right now and catch up on what Jewell Loyd has done this season.

The numbers alone are impressive. Through three games, Loyd is averaging 26.0 points, 5.3 rebounds and 2.7 assists, and she’s shooting 61.5 percent from three-point range. In terms of advanced metrics, she boasts a 68.0 percent effective field-goal rate and a 70.5 percent true shooting rate.

Her scoring is bound to cool off eventually. No player in league history has eclipsed 26 points a game or shot 60-plus percent from beyond the arc. Diana Taurasi has the single-season scoring record (25.3 PPG) from 2006, while Temeka Johnson was the most accurate three-point shooter (53.1 percent) over a full season in 2012. Continue reading