Maybe the 2020 WNBA season starts, maybe it doesn’t. We here at Witty Weather Pun are nothing if not adaptable. That’s why we launched the Witty Weather Pun Film Series, where we break down the skills of the antagonists and any important ancillary characters in what we deem to be basketball moves. Today, we’re examining Double Teamed.
OK. Can we take a moment to ponder how Disney expected us to think these two were twins?
Disney obviously wasn’t going to break the bank and use the revolutionary Parent Trap technology to put two versions of one actress in the same scene. And finding identical twin actresses wouldn’t have been easy.
Now that that mini-rant is out of the way, let’s talk hoops.
For those unaware, Double Teamed centers on Bryan Mills, a covert agent whose daughter is kidnapped. He then travels to Europe to prevent her from being trafficked by a drug ring.
Wait, sorry, that’s Taken.
Double Teamed is about Heather and Heidi Burge, two real-life sisters who went on to play together at Virginia and enjoyed brief stints in the WNBA. Were it not for the movie, the Burge sisters would be lost to history like many other women’s stars whose careers largely predated the WNBA and the increase in exposure toward the game in the 1990s.
Before the Burges could reach the pinnacle of women’s basketball, they had to survive high school *record scratch*.
Along with the Burge sisters, Nicky Williams emerged as a pivotal character, both on and off the court.
Heather is a tireless worker. In the opening scene, we see her working out in the morning before volleyball practice (at 6:45 a.m. no less), and she’s jogging in place upstairs so hard it’s knocking trophies off of shelves on the first floor.
Heather only stumbled across the basketball team because she had taken the volleyball cart to the auxiliary gym at Palos Verdes to practice on her own. Obvious self-starter.
Get the ball inside to Heather and watch her feast. She can score with both hands and possesses a variety of moves to outwit her defender.
Heather injured her ankle before the big championship game, so you have to raise questions about her durability. She also walked onto the court with the injured ankle for the final play of the game because Palos Verdes apparently doesn’t have a trainer.
Her work ethic can border on reckless. Not only did she play hurt in the final game, but the injury also occurred because she was practicing at her apartment complex.
Heather started getting jealous of Heidi when Heidi turned out to be a good basketball player, which was the reason she was practicing late that one night. Can she share the ball with another star player? Along with that, her self-belief began diminishing with Heidi’s rise.
Michael Jordan would never.
Heather is the epitome of a sure thing. Although she doesn’t appear to have her sister’s ceiling, she’s an All-Star in the making.
A seemingly preternaturally gifted player. Based on the arc of this film, Heidi had even less basketball experience before joining the team and immediately became the best player. Imagine what she can do with more coaching and experience.
In Heather’s first game, an intrasquad scrimmage, she’s pulling up and hitting from the three-point line, and knocking down mid-range jumpers. She was driving into the paint and scoring with ease as well. We’re talking a Breanna Stewart or Elena Delle Donne-type offensive presence.
When the Burge sisters needed to the last of their money to pay for a trip to New York City, Heidi had the idea of tap-dancing downtown. Showed a lot of ingenuity.
With Heather unavailable, Bixby doubled Heidi in the half court, and she was completely neutralized for a stretch of the game. Assuming she continues to improve, she needs to better cope with the inevitable double-teams she’ll see.
When the film begins, Heidi is more interested in the drama club and having “fun” than practicing.
This was also Heidi’s response when Larry Burge informed his daughters they’d be moving to a new school to help their athletic careers.
Heidi is already extremely talented, but is she willing to put in the kind of work that’s necessary to become a great player?
Before joining the basketball team, Heidi was set to play the role of the The Tin Man in Palos Verdes’ adaptation of The Wizard of Oz. She was very upset when her father made the choice for her to play basketball. Does she love ball, or does she love the performance arts?
Heidi lied about the location of the Burge family home in order to impress friends at a party. She said it was at 1984 Seabreeze Dr., which was in actuality a donut shop. Can her teammates trust her?
Ideally she plays in a city without a thriving arts scene, lest she get the itch to leave basketball behind for the theater.
While a bit undersized, Williams is a dynamic combo guard who can serve as both a lead playmaker and volume scorer.
With Heather injured and Heidi ineffective, Williams took over for Palos Verdes in the state championship. The Sea Kings would’ve been toast without her.
Her shot choice is a bit questionable, but it’s hard to argue with the results as Williams hit a difficult jumper while being smothered by two teammates in practice.
Williams isn’t afraid to get physical, either, as evidenced by how she routinely out-muscled Heather during their first practice together.
Williams is a narc. She informed the principal the Burges weren’t technically living in the Palos Verdes High School district, which threatened Heather and Heidi’s status as students.
She also pulled this once during practice.
Total narc behavior.
You have to wonder whether she’d do a D’Angelo Russell and rat out one of her teammates for Internet clout.
Williams was often angry at her father for missing her games due to his business trips. That manifested into me-first, selfish basketball because she was lashing out. Is this how she’ll react to any form of personal adversity?
Williams’ awareness is questionable at times.
If she’s unable to discern between un-identical identical twins, can she adequately read the opposing defense.
Galen Alderman, the totally hunky guy everybody had a crush on, compared Williams to Magic Johnson, which made me wonder whether he’d ever watched a basketball game. She’s clearly more of a Kristi Toliver.
Witty Weather Pun Film Series Power Rankings
- Heidi Burge
- Heather Burge
- Nicky Williams